\t http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php Copyright 2008, Scorpwanna brandon@arklaoutdoors.com (Scorpwanna) en-US SPHPBLOG 0.4.0 http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php?entry=entry060418-152751
I've been busy working on Unreal Tournament maps, a friend of mine Eric has a cool room and I've been mapping it for the game. I've been working on a map also based on Stargate SG-1's SGC. Making models the usual model building hobby.

I've recently decided to try building my own PC again. Since I didn't have good luck on the first barebone kit I got from TigerDirect.com I promised myself I'd never buy from them again. But I saw a sweet deal and thought I'd give them another try. Bad thing is, few of the parts were on backorder so I can't test what I've got right now until those come in. The reason for building another PC for home is the fact that my old 1999 Northgate PC is finally near death. I have a Gig drive in it now just to temporarily use until I build a new one. I've also been working on PC's for a few people, PC repair (if you wanna call it that) is just a hobby that I hate, because computers suck.

Few months back we got dialup at home finally, we live near a lake and have never had any kind of internet service. Problems occured with the ISP and we found we could get DSL, a slow version of it, but better than nothing. As long as it feeds my mom's hunger for POGO.com she's ok with it.

After the end of this month I won't have Satilite TV anymore because I have no money to pay for another full year from Dish Network, cost 356 bucks just to have it a full year and that's the cheapest plan. The ironic thing is, I had to buy a new TV in late January because my TV's screen died. Here it is a few months later and I'm going to be stuck with a TV which purpose is to sit there and collect dust. Because A. I don't buy movies or rent movies to watch.
B. I have no money to waste on buying things to watch.

Been drifting away from the IRC Chat part of the internet and was introduced to jabber by a friend of mine. It's sweet.

A friend of mine Rick, bought a domain called http://www.scifi-fans.com and he put me incharge of setting the main page and some other things up. He has recently changed it over to a new host and domain called http://www.scifix.com. Been doing stuff on that.

Been dealing with depression alot lately. Still think the world sucks and everything.

This post was different the first time I posted.]]> http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/?entry=entry060418-152751 brandon@arklaoutdoors.com Tue, 18 Apr 2006 20:27:51 GMT http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php?entry=entry060108-004244
There was a time during their argument my mom told him she had enough and that she was going to move out to the rent house they own. My dad would say "I'm moving out! We need to sell this place and live there". My mom said "no you don't hear me I want out, I'll live there you live here, or I live here you live there" he just looks at me with a blank stare of "huh?" like he didn't even understand what was being said.

I'm sure i left out a bunch of good stuff that im sorry to of forgotten :(. Boy my nerves got rattled but I stood in there strong.]]> http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/?entry=entry060108-004244 brandon@arklaoutdoors.com Sun, 08 Jan 2006 06:42:44 GMT http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php?entry=entry060108-004209 http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/?entry=entry060108-004209 brandon@arklaoutdoors.com Sun, 08 Jan 2006 06:42:09 GMT http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php?entry=entry051013-213919
My grandparents throughout the entire grandchildren era have shelled out money for our needs and wants and crap. I'm not going to deny I hassled my grandmother once for a playstation. Practily sat in the floor of walmart and refused to leave until I had one. Man I was really stupid. But nothing like how my mothers sister's oldest and youngest daughters do to her. Always making my grandmother give them money, let them use her credit card, her car. Having to baby sit her great grandchild all the time and not have a free life herself. Heck ever since my aunt moved out from under their roof she married and moved in next door to them and my grandparents had to pay their bills. My mom however was never like that, as soon as she could she moved out and away started up a family. Actually worked hard for what she has. I hear all the time that my uncle was a spoilt little brat as a child. You know it's no wonder my grandmother got cancer, we all gave it to her. She survived it of course and the first thing that happened, bam stuck with the great grandchild again, well until my cousin finally got out for a while and the child started school. I stopped with the whole "i want things everytime we go to grandmothers house" years ago after I graduated. I rarely go to their house mostly just on special occasions. One day when I'm rich I'm going to pay them back! I was so frickn' childish back then. What gets me though is this still continues now. When my grandmother was in the hospitial my aunt was worried that if something happened to my grandmother that there would be no one to watch her granddaughter. Yes, my aunts granddaughter! Course my other cousin had a child too, now it's basicly the same ordeal.

I remember growing up I was always called stupid pothetic by the eyes of my grandfather, I had failed 2 grades and called retarded just because I wasn't the fastest person in the class (mostly because I didn't care). I was also the oldest grandchild on that side and the only male at that time. My mom's sisters oldest daughter is just a few months younger than I am, she played sports, graduated when she was suppose to, all that. But! Went off and got pregnant and stuck my grandparents with basicly having to raise her daughter (as I mentioned earlier) because the father was lazy and she was lazy her self. "Mamaw fix me a hamburger patty I'm hongry!" That still ticks me off that day I went there to fix a computer I let my cousin borrow (the time she was living at my grandparents house) and she gave orders. Course my grandmothers allways been that way. Allow anyone to walk all over her :(. My grandfather though, he's one of those that like to tell you what you need to do and stuff practily make you feel unimportant to the world. However after his heart attack years ago he has lightened up a lot. Anyway I'm straying away from why I'm actually posting. MY UNCLE.

As soon as my uncle and his family got back from the Ukraine they have been the demanders. He got a job, quit, moved his family to Oklahoma, got a job selling crap over the phone which he one day called my mother trying to sell her something. She can't stand him either ever since he practicly stole a part to a 3wheeler we owned. From what I can tell he and his family live in homes that are furnished by the church or something, I can't really recall what it is he does, but he does preach, Baptist I think no wait "non denomination" or some crap whatever that is. Though he does spurt off gospel talk when you don't wanna hear it The recent "scandle" he has sucked my grandparents into really does suck. He had put calaterial on a house or something that he and his family were living in. (some crap) And something happened and they were going to loose the house. He calls up his parents (my grandparents) and gets them to pay the debt of it off or whatever. Every year we would go to my grandparents for thanksgiving and christmas, this year my grandparents are going to my uncles...

My mom's daddy's brother-in-law just passed away like 3 days ago. My mom went to his memorial service thing, my uncle was there. My mom said that as soon as it was over, my grandfather and my uncle were heading to the bank. Really pisses me off that he can screw so many people over including his own parents. We never hear from my uncle unless he wants something. Isn't that sad? But he's MR. Church man! Church screwing the public. Sound familiar? I might just rent me a donkey and walk up into his church some day. It's time my wrath began it's journey!]]> http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/?entry=entry051013-213919 brandon@arklaoutdoors.com Fri, 14 Oct 2005 02:39:19 GMT http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/index.php?entry=entry050926-120010
5th grade, still had the crush, mostly did all the same stuff all the time. We all hung out, at their house, would go ride bikes. Just do stuff, sometimes just her brother she and I. 6th grade I made my feelings for her known to her. I told her I loved her, made her a mixed tape of love songs. I even sang to her the song "In a week or two" memorized it just to sing it to her. That's were I messed up. Making my feelings known to her it freaked her out. Her parents thought it was cute and would encourage it to her. Think that made her mad at times. Though our buddy friendship was narrower, she would still talk to me.

Junior High, 7th Grade. Buddies again, she thought at the time that my crush for her had ended. Our friend, her brother and she were thinking of taking TaeKwonDo with their aunt and younger cousin. Invited me to just go with them to check it out see if I were intrested. We all started taking it together and my sis joined. Their aunt dropped it, over time her brother, then our friend. She and I stuck with it for some time, I think she enjoyed the sparring sessions. Though I enjoyed being hit by her. :) I remember in one of our small 9 classmate classes she and I performed a few of the forms/patterns in our TaeKwonDo uniforms. As the grades/years went by she went through a few boyfriends. I still continued having a crush. Our buddy friendship separated far to just knowing each other type friends that would say hi every so often. (the typical thing that happens to friends in highschool). We graduated, she got married, moved off and had two kids.

It's now 6 years later, I recently saw her at one of my and her sister's softball games a few months back, talked to her catching up on things. Seeing her again only reminded me of how much I still care for her. :( But again now she's married with 2 kids. She did tell me that they moved back around living near her parents that I should come to their house sometime just to visit. Which I know that wouldn't be right because she's again married, and it to me would feel awkward.

So you're wondering what brought this post up? Last night I had a dream. A plague swept mankind by touch. People dieing, getting sick quickly, chasing each other infecting those not infected, a plague of hate. The only cure, love! Kissing the one you were ment to be with. In my dream both she and I were affected, we were sent to a hospital area bodys all around sick. Someone came to us with the cure, we had to kiss, (actually it was the exchage of saliva produced by both persons that cured the individuals, an exchage of parts of dna) it was weird as all dreams are. So we kissed in my dream, I actually felt her lips on mine, it felt good. But I don't know how it could of felt because I have never been kissed before by a girl. I cryed in my dream immediatly after and hugged her. Expressed to her how much I cared for her still, and I actually felt overly emotional as if something unlocked inside of me and my old self emerged, the one that I have hidden back from the world, the one that I have this illusion covering even to this day. Fast forward to months later, we are looking for a place to live together. She is excited, I am excited that we will begin our new life together. We are scoping out the apartment/house, talking about were things will go. We are in love. I wake up this morning refreshed and a lonely feeling overtakes me of what could of been, the girl of my dreams, the 15 year crush I still have to this day. :(]]> http://www.scorpwanna.com/sphpblog/?entry=entry050926-120010 brandon@arklaoutdoors.com Mon, 26 Sep 2005 17:00:10 GMT